


Turnpike Lane

by TheAvengersMascot



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Community: norsekink, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Father-Son Relationship, He's not perfect but he's trying, Implied/Referenced Non-Con (ALSO SEE NOTES), Implied/Referenced Underage Sex (SEE NOTES), Loki Needs a Hug, Loki is a mess, Odin's Good Parenting, One Shot, Other, SEE NOTES FOR DETAILED WARNINGS, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:32:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/><i>"Hello?"</i> </p><p>  <i>"Dad?"</i> </p><p>  <i>"Loki? What's wrong?"</i> </p><p>  <i>"Dad, I fucked up. I fucked up really bad."</i> </p><p>There many are things that can instantly frighten a parent. Hearing your son sobbing those words into the phone is right near the top of the list.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turnpike Lane

**Author's Note:**

> ***** PLEASE SEE END NOTES FOR DETAILED WARNINGS*****
> 
>  
> 
> There are SPOILERS in the warnings which is why they're in the _End Notes_. If you don't want to know certain plot developments but are still worried about triggers then I recommend re-reading the warnings in the tags.
> 
>    
> Filled for this prompt on Norsekink:  
>  _Odin is a busy man, but he loves his family._  
>  _He knows that his adopted son is a loner and is a rather complicated teen. He doesn't think much of it. But one day he learns that Loki is taking drugs, maybe sees the marks on Loki's arms. Loki is so secretive about it that even Frigga doesn't know._  
>  _I want to see Odin as a loving father, who's determined to make Loki stop using. Maybe he keeps the whole thing secret from Thor and Frigga if Loki asks him to, I don't really care. But if the rest of the family doesn't know, Odin makes up a story to take Loki to a clinic and be there for him during the treatment and therapy._  
>  _If they weren't very close before, I'd love them to bond over it._
> 
>   _http://norsekink.livejournal.com/12950.html?thread=32076438_
> 
>    
> Disclaimer: Characters all belong to Marvel.
> 
>  

_One More Author's Note:_ Before we go on, I would like to mention I have no personal experience with drug addiction. I tried very hard for accuracy and realism but there are probably some mistakes, for which I'm sorry.

 

_"Hello?"_

_"Dad?"_

_"Loki? What's wrong?"_

_"Dad, I fucked up. I fucked up really bad."_

~~~|~~~  


Odin drove his car down a street he had never heard of before. This end of town was nothing but defunct factories and empty warehouses, remnants of a long-passed industrial boom. He wondered how Loki ever found it.

The entire length of the drive, his heart was in his throat. He still heard Loki's gasping sobs in his ears as his son tried to tell him where he was. Just the sound of his voice was enough to turn Odin's blood cold. The only time he could remember feeling anything close to it was when Loki was just a boy and was about to run out into the street without looking. An approaching car was mere feet away and Odin couldn't even shout to his boy because it would do no good. There was just no time to react. Somehow, and Odin never could explain it, his own father reached out and grabbed Loki's arm before the car struck him. The old man was closest to Loki but even then, Odin wouldn't have thought he could move that fast. In the end everyone was safe, but Odin never forgot the feeling of heart-clenching certainty that his son was about to die before his eyes. Back then, the terror only lasted a moment. This time it sank its claws into his guts the instant he heard Loki's voice on the line and refused to let go.

With a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, he pulled the car into the lot of one of the warehouses. The headlights glinted off fragments of glass on the pavement, no doubt from all the broken windows of the building. He stopped in front of a dented metal door and put the car into Park. Getting out, he went to the door and yanked on it. It opened with the shrill screech of metal on metal and hinges gone too long without grease. He went inside and his attention was immediately drawn to the sound of someone's laboured breathing.

Loki was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall about twenty feet away. Odin rushed over and knelt at his side, accidentally kicking away a mobile phone with a shattered screen. Loki's phone. It must have been damaged in the altercation and Odin spared a grateful thought that the thing still worked in spite of everything. Otherwise, who knew how long Loki might have been stranded here without means to call for help?

His first instinct was to take Loki's face in his hands and check if he was all right but even in the fading light of dusk, Odin could see the bruises and blood. One eye was nearly swollen shut and below it was a gash that ran the length of his cheekbone. Smears of dried blood sat below his nose and his bottom lip was split right down the middle. Loki had one arm wrapped around his stomach and was whimpering with each shallow breath, probably a sign he had a broken rib or two.

"Oh, my boy," Odin sighed. There were so many questions he needed answers to but they were all shoved aside by the need to deal with what was in front of him. "You need a doctor. Can you get up?"

Loki shook his head, a few tears still streaming from his eyes. "My chest hurts."

Odin swallowed, willing himself not to show his panic in front of his son. If Loki had a punctured lung or internal bleeding, things could get bad in a hurry. "Can you still breathe okay or is it getting worse?"

"Sort of okay. Not worse."

"Good. That's good," he said, relieved. "What about the rest of you? Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Loki quirked his head forward toward his legs. "My foot."

Turning partway around, Odin saw one of Loki's shoes was half off his foot. Above it his ankle was swollen, an almost grotesque bulge forming around the joint. It might not have looked so awful if Loki hadn't been so skinny, but his legs were like toothpicks, making the inflammation stand out that much more.

Odin turned to face Loki again and saw his son wiping his face with the arm not around his ribs. The sleeve of his shirt was torn all the way from wrist to elbow, giving him a clear view of the damage it was hiding. He reached out and grasped Loki's wrist, making sure to keep his grip gentle. He pushed the remains of the sleeve back because he had to see it all.

The track marks went all the way up his forearm. Odin couldn't tell if they were old or new but a number of them looked very unhealthy.

"Please don't tell Mom."

He looked up to find Loki watching him with wide, pleading eyes.

"She'll be so disappointed."

Odin couldn't help but sigh. So that was why Loki called him instead of his mother. As much as he loved Loki, Odin had never been as close to Loki as his wife was. Frigga seemed to just know how to talk to him, how to get behind Loki's closed-off exterior to the real person he was inside. It was an ability Odin hadn't mastered, not even close. He was surprised that Loki called him at all when he was this desperate but now it made sense. 

"Loki, you know your mother," he replied softly. "Do you think either of us could keep this from her?"

Loki didn't answer, or rather couldn't answer, because he started sobbing again. 

"Hey," Odin murmured, gingerly wiping away Loki's tears himself. Nothing in the world would ever lessen the love Frigga felt for him and Odin was heartbroken to see Loki believed something could. "Don't worry. She loves you. Nothing could ever change that." He waited a minute to let Loki calm a little before saying. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"I can't walk," Loki said miserably.

Odin looked down at Loki's chest again, watching the slight rise and fall. The fingers of the hand he had pressed against his side were twitching every so often from the pain. "I can carry you but... son, I won't lie. It's going to hurt."

Loki winced but nodded to give him the okay. Odin shifted so he could reach one arm behind Loki's back and the other under his legs. He heard and felt his son take in a sharp breath as he was forced to move even that little bit.

"Ready?" he asked, dreading what was about to come.

The only answer he got was another nod. After centering his feet underneath himself, Odin pulled Loki tight to him and stood up.

Loki screamed.

"I'm sorry," Odin whispered, though he knew Loki was probably in no state to hear. His whimpering breaths had become something between a grunt and a moan. It was agony for both of them.

Struggling to balance speed with caution, Odin made his way to the door. As he did, he couldn't help but marvel at how light Loki was. He seemed to weigh almost nothing which given his tall frame, was alarming. Even through Loki's shirt and his own jacket, Odin could feel his ribs and spinal column. He knew Loki had lost weight but not this much. Holding him felt like holding a skeleton, and it made Odin sick with worry and guilt because he should have seen the warning signs for what they were.

When at last they reached the car, he set Loki down on his good foot to open the door. Then with more apologies, he maneuvered Loki into the seat. Once he was settled, Odin got in the other side and drove to the hospital.

~~~|~~~  


The Emergency Room staff were still hovering around his son. Odin watched vacantly while his mind replayed the conversation between Loki and the doctor tending to him.

_"Loki? Can you understand me?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Have you been using drugs?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Heroin?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Anything else?"_

_"No."_

_"You're sure? Not even marijuana?"_

_"No."_

_"How long have you been using?"_

_"Uh... nine months... I think."_

_"When was the last time you got high?"_

_"This morning. Before school."_

He'd seen Loki that morning. Nothing seemed amiss. Loki had shot up in the house and no one knew. Even worse, was the realization that it couldn't have been the first time, not if he'd been using for nine months. Odin couldn't help but wonder how much longer it could have gone on if this hadn't happened. Loki was always quiet, withdrawn even. He could have wasted away until there was nothing left to save or even overdosed before he was found out. It made Odin want to weep just thinking about it.

"Mr. Borson?"

Odin tore his eyes away from Loki and saw the nurse and an orderly standing nearby. "Yes?"

"We need to take your son for some x-rays," the nurse explained. "You can come with us if you like or you can wait here. It'll take about twenty minutes to half an hour."

"I'll come," he answered without hesitation.

The two hospital employees went about getting Loki's gurney ready to move. When they finished, the orderly pushed the bed into the hall while the nurse kept an eye on Loki's IV. Odin couldn't remember what it was called but he knew it had to do with mitigating withdrawal symptoms. According to the doctor, Loki was just about reaching the time when they would start manifesting. In the meantime, he was clutching an ice pack to his chest and had another one wrapped around his ankle. He winced at every tiny bump the gurney rolled over, with Odin doing the same in sympathy.

Their procession reached the radiology lab and Odin had to wait outside the room while the x-rays were taken. Standing there, he belatedly realized there was something he needed to do.

"Is there a phone somewhere I can use?" he asked the technician.

The man pointed to one mounted on the wall. "Dial '9' first."

Odin did as he instructed and placed the call.

" _Hello?_ "

"Frigga, it's me,"

" _Oh, thank goodness,_ " his wife exclaimed. " _I was just about to send out a search party. I know you said you'd be at the office late tonight but really darling, nine p.m. on a Friday is a bit extreme even for you._ "

"I know. I'm sorry for not calling sooner but something came up. There's something I need to tell you and I need you to just listen, okay?"

With audible concern in her voice, Frigga answered, " _Okay_."

Then Odin told her everything.

~~~|~~~  


In the time it took Frigga to arrive at the hospital, the x-rays were done and Loki had finally been admitted. Odin saw her through the open door to the room and left the bedside to intercept her before she saw their son.

"Is he all right? Where is he?" she asked urgently.

"Just back there," he answered with a cock of his head. "I wanted to make sure you're prepared for the way he looks. There's lots of bruising and cuts on his face." Loki had bruises elsewhere as well, which Odin saw when the nurses helped him change into a hospital gown. His upper body was almost entirely black and blue and his legs weren't much better. The ones on his face were the only ones visible though, and he didn't want to worry Frigga too much by detailing the rest.

"I can handle it," she replied, looking over his shoulder. She didn't sound as confident as her words implied though.

"There's one other thing." Odin waited until she met his eyes again. "When I picked him up he asked me not to tell you anything. He was afraid of disappointing you."

On hearing that, Frigga appeared crestfallen but only for a moment. Then her expression changed into one of determination and she sidestepped him and approached Loki's bed. Loki heard someone coming and opened his eyes. The moment he saw her, his face crumpled.

"I'm sorry," he said, fresh tears spilling from his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm sor–"

"Shh," Frigga hushed him gently, placing a kiss on his temple. She took his hand in one of hers and stroked his hair with the other. "None of that now."

Loki's lips were still moving but Odin couldn't hear any sounds coming out. It was incredible really, the difference between Loki and his brother. One often had to shout in Thor's face to get through to him but with just a few words, Frigga could have Loki in tears. Odin envied her that connection to him. Ever since Loki reached his teen years, a wall had come up between the two of them. In spite of how much Odin cared for Loki, he couldn't figure out how to tear it down. All he could do was watch his wife try to do what little she could to comfort Loki while they waited for news.

It turned out Loki's ankle had a single fracture in his tibia, meaning it could be repaired without surgery but he would still require anaesthesia when it was set. He had two cracked ribs which, though painful, didn't need any intervention beyond taping them up. His cheek needed stitches but it and the rest of the injuries were superficial. Then the doctor explained the bad news. Because of Loki's drug use, they couldn't treat him with any opioid analgesics like Morphine. He was going to have to suffer through the pain of three fractures without anything stronger than over-the-counter meds.

It was going to be a long night.

~~~|~~~  


Morning came achingly slow. None of them managed to get much sleep, despite being away from noisy ER. Loki had a few fitful dozes before the pain became too much. The heroin was leaving his system and even with medication to counteract it, the withdrawal was starting. He had a fever by early morning, along with more aches and pains throughout his body that had nothing to do with the beating he received. Nausea followed soon after and he had the tremendously unpleasant experience of vomiting while having cracked ribs, one which ended with him shaking and crying in his mother's arms.

By the time the nurse came to prep him for the procedure to set his ankle, Odin was almost relieved to know that Loki would be unconscious for a little while. While he was gone, there was nothing for him and Frigga to do but talk.

"What did you tell Thor?"

"Nothing yet," she answered. "He's at Fandral's for the weekend working on a school project. Besides, I don't know if Loki would want anyone else seeing him like this."

There was a long silence before she asked the obvious question. "Did you have any idea?"

"I should have."

Frigga gave him a sympathetic look. "Darling, you can't blame yourself. Loki has always been good at hiding, even from me."

Odin wanted to believe her but the nagging guilt wouldn't leave him alone, and for good reason. "I knew enough."

"What do you mean?"

He propped his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on clasped hands. "About a month ago, I was going out just as Loki was coming home. As he came through the door, the handle caught his sleeve. I thought I saw needle marks but I didn't want to believe it. I never thought he'd get mixed up in something so foolish."

Odin leaned back in his chair and swept his hand across is face. "Now the signs seem so obvious I can't believe I was this blind. The weight loss, selling his car. Do you even remember the last time you saw him not wearing a long-sleeve shirt? For god's sake, he quit running track, the only extracurricular activity he ever enjoyed. And even with all that, when I saw his arm that day I convinced myself it wasn't possible. I thought there was no way someone as smart as him was a junkie."

Frigga gazed down the hall at nothing in particular. "In my experience, addiction doesn't care about intelligence." Her eyes came back to him. "And you need to stop being so hard on yourself. I feel terrible for not seeing it either but all the guilt in the world won't do us or Loki any good now. We need to deal with what we can, not punish ourselves over what's already in the past." 

He didn't have much to say in reply. He was so angry. At the situation, at the people who hurt his son, but mostly at himself. Irrational or not, he felt like he should have known better. 

"We need to help him," he stated. "I don't care what it takes, we need to help him."

"We will," she promised, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Did he tell you what happened yesterday?"

"Some of it. He used up the last of his supply in the morning. He went to see his dealer but he didn't realize until he was already there that he didn't have the money. Apparently it's not the first time he was short on cash and the guy didn't react well. Then the dealer set his goons on Loki. I don't think that's the whole story but it's all Loki told me."

"Mr. and Mrs. Borson?"

They both looked up at the same time to see one of Loki's doctors approaching. This was the one who'd taken over after his transfer from the ER, a petite woman called Dr. Foster. She looked far too young to be a doctor in Odin's eyes. Then again, maybe he was just getting old.

"Your son's blood work came back," the woman said, eyes scanning over a chart. "He's clean for HIV and Hepatitis. No sign of any other infectious diseases, though he should be tested again in another few months just to be sure."

Frigga embraced him on hearing the news. As for himself, Odin felt a little shaken. He hadn't thought beyond the immediate problem of the addiction itself to the other things that often result from it. It was odd to be worried after the fact, especially since the doctor just told them it wasn't a concern. Still, he couldn't quite get past how much worse it could have been.

"Now a few of his injection sites have a common bacterial infection," Dr. Foster went on. "So we'll be administering antibiotics and keeping an eye on them for the next few days. I understand he's still in surgery?"

"They're setting his ankle, yes," he answered hollowly, still stuck on the 'what-if's' in his mind.

Dr. Foster checked her watch. "He'll probably be groggy for the rest of the day. I'll set up an appointment with the hospital's addictions counsellor for sometime tomorrow. He'll go over some treatment options with you."

Frigga thanked the doctor and the woman started to walk away but Odin called after her. "Dr. Foster?"

She turned.

"Loki was vomiting last night. I know that's to be expected but with his ribs the way they are, he was in a lot of pain."

Dr. Foster pursed her lips. "Well, we're limited in terms of what we can do for pain management but I'll add a stronger anti-emetic to his medication orders."

She was already scribbling the order on Loki's chart before Odin said, "Thank you."

She left and shortly after that, Loki's procedure was finished. Dr. Foster was correct about Loki not being in any condition to talk after. He slept off and on for the rest of the day, something for which Odin was grateful. Loki complained of dizziness and pain every time he woke, so the fact he could sleep at all was remarkable.

Later that afternoon, Frigga convinced Odin to go home for a few hours to get some sleep himself. He agreed only on the condition that she do the same once he came back. It was while she was gone that he learned something he almost wished he hadn't.

He had dozed off in the chair next to Loki's bed but was awoken by someone muttering nearby. Loki was awake and looking at the track marks on his arm. He was also talking to himself. Odin couldn't make out most of it, but one word he caught over and over was 'stupid'.

"Are you all right?" he asked, knowing it was a silly question but not knowing what else to say.

"No," Loki answered. He covered his eyes with his hand before saying, "I'm such an idiot."

"What do you mean?"

In answer, Loki stuck out his arm with the needle marks. "This. All of it. Everyone always says heroin is the worst but for some reason I thought it wouldn't get me. I thought I wouldn't lose control and for a while I actually thought I hadn't. I thought I was only using because I wanted to, not because I needed to.

"Then one day I'm on my knees giving someone whose name I don't even know a blow job in exchange for drugs because I had no money and I needed some that bad. And I hadn't even hesitated when he told me to do it."

Odin sat in horrified silence. He couldn't think at all to formulate a response, he was so in shock. Loki didn't seem to notice.

"Every time I got high it felt like there couldn't be a single problem with the world. Then when I started to come down, I'd hate myself for having used. Then the crash would happen and I'd hate myself even more because I knew I had to give in again. I'd be cursing my own weakness even while I was sticking the needle in my arm. Sometimes I even hoped the stuff I had was contaminated or something so it would kill me and I wouldn't have to feel that disgust anymore. Eventually it got so bad all I could think about was my next fix. Nothing else mattered. I didn't even blink when he told me to get on my knees and suck, I just did it. How pathetic is that."

It took Odin a good long while to come up with an answer. He'd never heard Loki talk like this about anything, let alone himself, and he didn't know what to react to first. "You're not pathetic, Loki. That's what addiction does."

A trite answer, but it was the only thing Odin was sure he could say calmly. He was furious with himself for not seeing how much trouble Loki was in and horrified to know how Loki felt about himself. What made Odin's heart ache even more was knowing he was powerless to fix it, the one thing he wanted more than anything to do.

Loki didn't react. Odin couldn't stop himself from asking a question. He didn't want to know but he had to. "Did it happen a lot? The trading sex for drugs."

At last, Loki looked at him. He wore an expression that made Odin wonder if he even knew someone was listening to his tirade before. Either that or he only realized now all that he confessed.

"A couple times," he said slowly, as if he was afraid of spilling more secrets without meaning to.

"With who?" Odin asked before he could stop himself. 

Loki looked away and hung his head. "Thanos," he muttered.

"The dealer?"

He nodded.

Odin drew his eyebrows together in confusion. "I thought you said you didn't know the name of the one you..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

"That's not his real name," Loki explained, eyes still pointed away. "No one knows his real name."

"And he made you..."

Loki shook his head. Then he pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. From behind his hands, he said, "He didn't have to _make_ me. I _asked_ if there was something else he'd take for payment. I practically begged him to."

And oh but was that painful to hear. Every time Odin thought he heard the worst there was something more. To think that while he was pretending there wasn't a problem, Loki was in such a bad way he let someone use and debase him. That his clever boy was reduced to whoring himself to another just to stop feeling the way he did added so much weight to the guilt Odin already bore he thought it would crush him to death. And he might not have been disappointed if it had.

"Loki, yesterday... did he-"

"No," his son answered quickly. "He wanted... he said if I let him fuck me instead of just my mouth this time, he'd give me what I needed." Then, in a voice so low it was hard to hear at all, he added, "I was about to say 'yes'."

"What happened?"'

"His thug bodyguards said they wanted a ride too." Loki shook his head in something like disbelief. "I don't know why I drew the line there but I did. It was like waking up or something. I don't remember what I said to them but whatever it was they took it as an insult. You know the rest."

For a while, Odin couldn't speak. He couldn't find any words to make the situation okay, because there were none. In fact, there was really only one thing he could say.

"I'm so sorry, Loki," he apologized. "It should never have gotten that far. We should have... _I_ should have seen something sooner."

When Odin could bear to face Loki again, he saw his son looked somewhat taken aback. "It was my problem, Dad," he said. "My fault."

Odin was shaking his head before Loki finished his thought. "I'm your father. It's my job to look out for you. But you were always such a smart boy, you never got into any real trouble. I didn't want to think you could get mixed up in this. I didn't want to see it, and that _is_ my fault."

A long silence fell between them then. It was Loki who broke it in the end. His voice wavering, he asked, "Please don't tell Mom. I don't want to break her heart even more."

Odin was perfectly fine with not adding to anyone's suffering, and so answered, "I won't. I promise."

~~~|~~~  


The next morning the three of them met with the addictions counsellor, a man named Phil Coulson. Coulson had a refreshing, competent manner. He was honest and straightforward, and avoided using clichés or empty platitudes, something Odin liked him for immediately. It made him feel at ease but Loki was fidgeting in discomfort, possibly because Coulson was speaking straight to him as if his parents weren't in the room.

"This hospital has both in and out-patient rehabilitation programs," Coulson was explaining. "But they are more generalized. Neither one is geared toward young people. There are several facilities in the area that are specialized for youths. These three," he handed Loki a printed list, "all have room for new patients.

Odin looked at the names on the page over Loki's shoulder. One fact stood out right away. "None of these are in the city."

"They aren't," Coulson replied, though he was looking at Loki as if he was the one to mention it. "The closest one is still over an hour away. Unfortunately, there aren't any rehab centers geared toward teenagers close by. The Cornerbrook facility has an agreement with a local hotel though. The hotel offers a special discounted rate for family members of patients."

He paused, perhaps to let them mull it over before continuing. "Of course, rehab isn't a necessity for recovery, but the success rates are generally better for those who do get treatment."

Loki, who still seemed a little uncomfortable under Coulson's direct attention, tried to hand the list over to Odin. Coulson stopped him.

"Loki, there's no problem if you want your parent's opinion but the decision needs to be yours," he said. "No one can get clean for you. If you're going to succeed, you have to want to do it for yourself."

Loki looked down at the list again but Odin saw his fearful expression anyway. "Do I... do I have to decide right now?"

Coulson gave him a reassuring smile. "Not at all. Those clinics all have websites you can have a look at, and by all means talk it over with your parents. You don't have to involve me in your choice at all if you don't want to. I'm just here to help show you your options."

He talked a little more about the kinds of things included in typical rehabilitation programs, as well as what to expect during recovery. Loki never did look up from the paper and Odin wasn't sure whether it was the process of ridding himself of his habit that he found daunting or if it was something else troubling him. He fervently hoped this time Loki would tell someone before he got into trouble again.

~~~|~~~  


Loki was discharged from the hospital the following day. Dr. Foster started him on a drug called Methadone first to help with the withdrawal. He had to go to the pharmacy every day in person to get his daily dose which was a little inconvenient, especially with his broken ankle. The doctor insisted Loki would fare much better on the medication however, so they resigned themselves to making the trip each day.

Coming home also meant facing Thor for the first time, something Loki seemed nervous about. As it turned out, he didn't have reason to be. Thor was utterly distraught when he first heard the news. He and Loki were quite close as children but had drifted apart in recent times. It was obvious now the distance between them bothered Thor a lot but he hadn't known what to do about it. When Loki came home, Thor seemed determined to change things between them and went out of his way to reassure Loki of their bond. Though somewhat abashed by the attention, Loki accepted it.

The next few days were a bit of a blur as they all tried to resume a normal routine. Odin found it rather difficult to go to his business each day knowing his son still had such a difficult time ahead of him. He knew his wife was handling things while he was gone but it was hard to keep his thoughts on work. Every time his mind began to wander, he kept seeing images of Loki beaten and bloody or dead of an overdose in an alley somewhere. It was unsettling, to say the least.

With the exception of his first few days home, Loki fell back into being his too-quiet self. Odin hoped it might be because he had so much on his mind, given that he was back in the real world and having to confront his situation. He knew Loki also struggled with the withdrawal in spite of the medication, which made everything harder.

Odin believed Loki was making progress several days later though, when he announced he had settled on going to Cornerbrook for treatment. They made the arrangements for him to check-in the following Monday. He would be there alone during the week but Odin, Frigga, and Thor all planned to visit every weekend. At first, Loki seemed satisfied with it all, but the closer the day got, the more withdrawn and nervous he became. Odin also noticed with some concern he was looking unwell again. It wasn't long before he found out the reason.

~~~|~~~  


A muffled thump jarred Odin from sleep. He had become a light sleeper ever since finding his son beaten all to hell. His dreams kept playing him the memory of seeing Loki that way, each time with some horrible variation on the scene. It took very little to disturb his rest these days and that one sound was enough.

He lifted his head and listened. He heard it again, though farther away this time. It sounded very much like someone bumping into a wall. Odin lifted the covers and swung his feet down to the floor. Keeping his steps silent, he went over to the bedroom door, where he paused to listen. Someone was shuffling down the hall. Someone who couldn't walk very well, perhaps because of a broken foot.

He opened the bedroom door and stepped out. "Loki?"

Silence.

Odin flipped the light switch on. Loki was halfway to the stairs, his back to Odin. "Where are you going?"

Loki mumbled something he couldn't decipher. Odin closed the distance between them. "Son?"

"I have to go. I have to." Loki's voice was painfully hoarse.

"Go where?"

"To find Thanos."

Odin firmly pushed down the tide of rage he felt at hearing that name, knowing Loki didn't deserve to be the recipient of his anger. "And how were you planning to do that in your state?"

Loki's 'state' could only be described as awful. His skin was a sallow white, the same sickly shade it was his first night of detox. His eyes were bloodshot and surrounded by rings so dark Odin couldn't actually tell which eye was the bruised one. A sheen of sweat covered his face from the exertion of trying to move in spite of his injuries. And he was shaking.

"I have to go," Loki insisted, ignoring the question.

"Absolutely not."

"Dad..." Loki's voice came out in a weak plea. "I can't do it. I can't."

Odin reached out and took Loki by the shoulders. "Loki-"

"I need it," he sobbed, clutching at Odin's hands. "I can't do this. I tried, but I can't. It hurts too fucking much. I can't sleep, I can't eat. It's killing me."

Watching to his son break down again, Odin felt helpless. Worse than helpless, useless. He'd seen Loki cry far too many times the last few days and each time was devastating because this was nothing any of them could make better. What he wouldn't give to take Loki's pain away or to feel it himself if it meant sparing his son. But it was impossible, and what little comfort he could offer seemed insignificant in the face of what Loki was going through.

Not knowing what else to do, Odin drew his trembling son forward and wrapped his arms around him. His heart felt a bit lighter when Loki returned the embrace.

"I'm so sorry Loki," he murmured. "I know it's awful. I can't begin to imagine it and I hate that I can't do anything about it."

His shirt was already growing damp with Loki's tears but Odin didn't care. He wouldn't let go before Loki did. Right now his son needed something to steady him. The addiction shrank Loki's existence until it was all he focused on. Now that he couldn't use anymore, the pain of withdrawal filled the void left behind so completely he couldn't see anything beyond it. He needed a tether to reality, something to remind him there was more to look forward to than this suffering. And that was something Odin could damn well do.

He made a decision. An abrupt one, but one he was sure was right. "I'm coming with you to Cornerbrook. I'll book myself into the hotel for the duration of your treatment."

"What?" Loki asked. It was a little muffled because his face was still pressed into Odin's shirt.

"I'm coming with you. Anything you need, I'll be there."

"Why?"

"Why?" Odin repeated. He pulled back just enough for them to see each other. "You're my son, and I almost lost you once because I tried to hide from the truth. I won't make that mistake again."

"But... but the company-"

"Is my company," Odin told him. "Don't you worry about it. You're more important than work. If there's anything that needs my attention, I can go in on the weekends when your mother and brother are visiting."

The fact Loki was rendered speechless by that caused Odin's heart to sink once more. It was obvious he hadn't thought he was that important to his father.

"Come with me," Odin said. He helped Loki hobble back to his bedroom, grateful that the boy let him. What might have happened had Loki made it out of the house before anybody woke up to stop him didn't bear thinking on. With both of them seated on the bed and his arm around Loki's shoulders, he started telling a story.

"Your mother's pregnancy with Thor was difficult. There were so many complications that the doctor told her trying a second time could kill her. She was devastated. We both were. We always wanted more than one child. When Thor was about six months old, she came to me with the idea of adoption. She hadn't given up on the idea of having a bigger family but I wasn't so sure. I worried we wouldn't be able to love you the same as we would a biological child. But your mother wanted more children so much I couldn't say no.

"We had three adoptions fall through and I started wondering if it was a sign we should give up and just be happy with what we had. Thor was almost three years old by then. I thought if we were supposed to have another child it would have happened already. Then someone suggested looking into adopting from foster care, which we did. I told myself if it didn't happen this time, then it wasn't meant to be. Four months later, we met you. You were fourteen months old and so shy you couldn't even look at us at first. But the first time I held you I couldn't believe I ever doubted whether I could love you. Your mother was almost beside herself she was so happy. And Thor," he could help but chuckle at the memory. "Thor was thrilled you were already big enough to play with. He brought you toy after toy until you finally smiled at him."

Just then, Odin's eyes landed on Loki's wall of photos. It occupied a section of the wall above his desk. Pictures of holidays and parties. Ordinary days playing in the back yard. There was Loki and Thor as boys with broad grins showing off their missing baby teeth. Another of them much older and celebrating Thor getting his driver's license, right next to one of Loki doing the same. There was even one of Frigga and her young sons covered almost head to toe with flour because they tried to 'help' their mother with the baking. 

Odin tried to imagine those same moments with Loki missing from the photos and from their lives. The thought was unbearable, so much so his chest constricted to the point where he almost couldn't breathe. A moment later his sight blurred with tears. He blinked them away enough to see his son again. 

"You made this family whole Loki," he said. "And I don't know what we'd do without you."

Up until then, Loki had kept his head bowed as Odin spoke. He'd heard most of this story before but not from Odin's perspective. The look in his eyes when he lifted his head made the pain in Odin's heart even worse. It was disbelief, hope, and a little fear all mixed together, as if he was hearing something he always hoped to but was afraid to believe. Odin felt the bitter sting of regret for not telling Loki before. All those years they spent not knowing how to talk to each other, with Odin thinking it was just their way, until they ended up here. A father having convince his own son of his importance to him. If only he had done a better job of being open with Loki. Until now he had no idea how much they both wanted that.

He resisted the urge to turn away from that look when he said, "I'm not the best when it comes to showing you how I feel, and I'm beyond sorry I made you doubt me. But I promise I'm going to try to do better for you."

His son was still crying but Odin wasn't worried because he was too. At least Loki was no longer shaking as if he was about to come apart.

"I know right now it feels like you'll never get through this, but you will," Odin assured him. "I'm not going to let it destroy you. I love you to much to let that happen."

Neither of them could talk after that but that was okay, Odin decided. The physical closeness was enough. They sat together until the crying and exhaustion at last got to Loki and he fell asleep with his head still pillowed on Odin's shoulder. Odin gently moved him so he was laying down properly. He stayed awake, watching Loki as he caught a brief respite from his troubles. And when Loki woke up just an hour later shivering and nauseous, he was there for that too.

~~~|~~~  


_One month later_

"You really don't have stay, you know," Loki told Odin as he looked around the room. "There's gonna be lots of meetings."

"And I'll be at all of them if I can," Odin replied, hanging up his jacket on a small coat rack.

He watched Loki do the same. His boy was still too thin but didn't look as unhealthy as he did before rehab. He even had some colour back in his face. In his mind Odin knew he'd never forget the sight of Loki bleeding and broken on that warehouse floor, so thin a stiff breeze would snap him in two. It was good in a way, because it reminded him how important it was to keep vigilant so they didn't end up back there now that Loki was finished with his treatment. It also made seeing how far Loki had already come so much more heartening. 

Though they still weren't as close Loki was with Frigga, Odin was pleased at how their relationship grew during Loki's treatment. They even picked this particular support group together because they allowed family to accompany the members if they chose to. He was determined to attend as many of the meetings as he could with Loki who, despite what he said earlier, Odin knew was nervous.

"Besides, you're getting your 30-day chip today," he went on. "I wasn't going to miss that."

Loki's eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "I thought that was an AA thing."

"So did I, but apparently other Anonymous groups do it too."

Loki hummed an acknowledgement, eyes still scanning the room with some anxiety. "You know, technically my 30 days was about ten days ago. Before I finished rehab."

Odin shrugged. "A milestone is still a milestone, no matter when you take note of it."

He spied Loki rubbing the thumb of one hand into the palm of the other, one of the few tells giving away his apprehension. Odin placed a hand on Loki's shoulder and drew him into a hug.

"I'm so proud of you, kid. Truly." He leaned back to see Loki's face and got a shy smile in return.

They took their seats and the meeting soon began. Odin watched Loki as much as he did the ones speaking. He was proud of Loki, for so many things. And never more so than when Loki gathered his courage, stood up, and said the words, "I'm Loki, and I'm an addict."

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  *****WARNINGS*****
> 
>  
> 
> This fic contains lots of discussion of the use of and addiction to heroin, including references self-injections. If that or any of the medical stuff that goes along with it bothers you, you might want to skip this one. 
> 
> **Regarding the Non-Con and Underage:** Loki mentions at one point during the story that he traded sexual favours for drugs when he was really, really desperate. There is _NO_ depiction of it happening in the story and there are few details given which is why I left off the Archive Warnings in favour of doing this. I labelled it non-con because someone volunteering to have sex because they think they might die if they don't get another hit can't be called consent.
> 
> As for the Underage warning, in the story Loki is sixteen and the person he trades sex for drugs with is an adult. This is also only alluded to, _not shown_.
> 
>    
> If you're reading these notes after the story, I applaud you for your stamina. I seem incapable of writing one-shots that are less than 5000 words so thanks for sticking it out.  
> As a reward, here's a kind of fun fact for you: In the comics, Jane Foster started out as a nurse, which made sense because at the time Thor was inhabiting the body of a mortal doctor named Donald Blake. However, she did eventually get her MD and became a full-fledged doctor practicing in Broxton, the neighbouring city to Asgardia. That's why I made her a doctor in this story. In the cartoon series, they made her an EMT, which I have no explanation for.
> 
> Title comes from the Mark Knopfler song Junkie Doll.
> 
> Comments are lovely. You can also come say Hi to me on tumblr at [ theclassicblunders](http://theclassicblunders.tumblr.com).


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